Of course I want more, like most other people. But sometimes I think about my current life and I wonder what would more money do to it. Do I really need it? Would it benefit me or would it just confuse me?

It’s weird, the way I just started thinking about money. I’ve realized that it is a sort of energy, like everything else seems to be in this universe, if you think about it. Energy is behind all the actions. It just changes its forms. So money is also a kind of energy. If you have enough of it, you can go and spend it on an iPhone for example and convert your money energy into a pleasure and convenience of having such a handy little gadget. If you like those, of course. Does that make sense? It does to me, but maybe I’m just weird.

So what are we people then? Maybe I can say that we are kind of like energy conductors. We can have good conductivity or we can have bad conductivity or we can be anything in between. Some would argue that one has to have good conductivity. If somebody gives you a smile, you have to pass it on. Buddhism teaches that one should not cling to anything and just pass it through. Hmmm… Or do we just have to know our limits? What if we operate above our limit? Can we burn out? I read that around 90% (or more) of people who win a lottery, loose it all within a few years and in many cases become a lot worse of. I can imagine how a huge lump of money can ruin a life of somebody who’s not ready for it. So can I theorize that some people have to have a certain capacity to handle a certain amount of money energy? Hold what you are capable of, and just let the rest go. Charity is the way, I’d say.

So I don’t know maybe whatever I’m making right now is as much as I can conduct, without burning out? I’m not hungry, my wife is not hungry, we have a place to live. We can afford everyday staff. We do have to make an effort to buy something like a computer or to go traveling. But it gives me a stimulus to want to do something with my life, work on my career or go to school. So do I want more money? I’m not sure. I’d like to have a better chance to travel, or a chance not to spend so much time at a job that I don’t like. But I don’t know if money alone would help me. A career that I love and that provides me with just enough definitely would. But I don’t know what would happen if I were to win a lottery. Would it just confuse the hell out of me. Would I forget about all my values and go on a crazy shopping spree? Would it stress the hell out of me? I can imagine all those questions: “what do I do so that I don’t loose it?”, “how much do I share?”, “Do I buy a Ferrari or a Lamborghini?”, “Should I move to Monaco?”, “what would happen to my relationships with friends and family?”, “what if somebody gets jealous?”, etc. It may definitely mess up my career at this point. I might loose my intention to go back to school. Or on the other hand it might really improve my life, I really don’t know.

There definitely is something romantic and inspirational in having less than you would like to. Am I crazy? I don’t know, but I know that I’m really happy and blessed to be where I am right now